Real conversation between my husband and his mom, right before the 2012 election:
My Husband: So how are you, Mom?
His Mom: Are you and Jess voting for that Barack HUSSEIN Obama, AGAIN????
My Husband: Yes, mom. [eyeroll]
His Mom: But you CAN’T! Obama is gunna take our guuuuunnnnnssss!
My Husband: No, Mom, he is not.
His Mom: Yes he is. An’ if he is elected again, I thank its gunna be a sign of the end of the worl’!
My Husband: No, Mom, it is not.
His Mom: Ben, if you’uns go an’ vote for Obama, then you just ain’t a Christian.
My Husband: Mom, what?
His Mom: You heard me right. If you vote for Obama, you just ain’t a Christian.
My Husband: So let me get this straight… if I vote for a Christian, it isn’t Christian, but if I vote for a Mormon, I am?
His Mom: Tha’s what I said.
My Husband: Good night, Mother. [click]
So what did my in-laws teach me this time? The debunked trickle-down economic theory and my in-laws ability to rationalize voting for a Mormon is the Christian thing – 1; common sense, independent thought and my husband’s sanity – 0.
Seriously, I cannot make this fucking shit up… I am just not that funny.